Hello world!

Hey Gang!

Just wanted to welcome you and let you know what this blog is all about.

On December 21, 2007 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It was almost 5 years to the day that my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia…yeah, I know…I probably would have a better chance of being struck by lightning!  Hah!  I WAS stuck by lightning, but that’s a whole different story.  Suffice it to say, I’ve been on the so-called cancer road before, so I was no stranger to what it entailed.

The updates were a way to inform my family and friends of what was what, but it was also a way to get my feelings down on paper.  It was extremely therapeutic for me and as I am told, quite entertaining for those who received them.

This is my journey..thanks for visiting and I hope you enjoy the ride!

M~

Oh, you may want to have some lemonade!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

12/26/2007

Hey Gang,

Well, we met with the surgical oncologist from Stony Brook today.  My options are:

1. Lumpectomy with 30 sessions of radiation and probably some chemo, or

2. Mastectomy with no radiation and probably some chemo.

He recommends #2 because the tumor is quite large and my breast is quite small (no snickering out there) which would result in a deformed breast (lovely, no)!

So-o-o I’m thinking I could go with the deformed boob, bright red and raw from radiation and no hair…Or two brand new perky ones and a long straight auburn wig.  Hmm…I think I’ll be going with the latter!!

Tomorrow we are off to the surgical oncologist #2 at Sloan Kettering.  We shall see what she says.  I will update you on that.

Unfortunately for you guys…the saga continues!

Love ya!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

12/27/2007

Hey Gang,

Went to Sloan for the second opinion.  She basically said the exact same thing as the doctor from Stony Brook (after we waited for almost 3 hours).  Very little difference between the two except SHE had a killer mustache and he didn’t!

So I have to decide which of the two I prefer (mustache or no mustache)!!!  I’ll decide soon.  Promise!

Well, that’s it for now.  Love you all!!!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1/21/2008

Hey Gang,

Just got back from the plastic surgeon.  We are going ahead with the surgery on January 25th (Friday).  We decided to go with the one boob off scenario which consists of the following: take off the breast with the cancer, my case the left, put in a tissue expander to stretch the skin to the size I want it to be (if I had any belly fat or back fat, yuk, they would have been able to do it all right away).  I decided on, in the surgeon’s words “a nice C cup”, I guess versus a “lousy B cup” which I currently have!  They leave that in for about a month (I have to go back once a week to get it filled with saline)!  Depending on my treatment, i.e. chemo, how much and how long, they will then replace the expander with an implant and put an implant in my right breast to make it look symmetric in clothes, especially tank tops and bathing suits.

It won’t be that perfect when I’m naked, however.  But how often do I go out into public naked? Once or twice a week?  I’ll just have to get a new hobby!!!!

So, that’s pretty much the whole skinny…thanks for all the love, support, prayers, and good thoughts.  I CANNOT tell you all how much we appreciate it!

Talk to you all soon!

Love ya!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2/1/2008

Hey Gang,

Did ya miss me?!?!  Well, the latest news is, they seem to have gotten all the cancer. YAY!  They did find 3 (yes, I said 3) cancer cells in one of my lymph nodes but they consider that insignificant.  I will not need radiation but will need some sort of chemotherapy.  I will find out what protocol that would be on Tuesday.  The drains finally cam out and ALERT THE MEDIA…I can take a shower tomorrow!!!  I’m gonna be in there so long I’m gonna be pruney!!!  That should add to the look I got going for me at the moment, no?

I just want to thank you all again for being so great!  We appreciate everything you’ve done and continue to do.  If you’ve called and I haven’t called back I apologize.  Unfortunately, I am still in quite a bit of pain and the pain killers make me very sleepy.  I sleep over 12 hours a day.  Good if you’re a newborn, I guess.

Well, that it for now.  Talk to you soon!!

Love Ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2/11/2008

Hey Gang,

Well, here’s the latest.  Tuesday I go to the plastic surgeon to get my first saline injection.  This is a process that expands my skin to get it ready for the implant.  When they did the mastectomy they implanted a tissue expander.  Because of the fact that I have very little body fat (sometimes NOT a good thing) they had to implant it under my muscle which causes a good deal of pain.  Thank God for Percodan!  Also, next Friday (the 15th) I go for my first chemo infusion.  The first infusion takes at least 4 to 5 hours.  What a fun-filled week, don’t ya think?

Oh, the oncology nurse says I will most definitely lose my curly tresses and probably every other hair on my body.  There is an upside to that, however.  For a while, no more shaving my legs or my armpits, no more tweezing my eyebrows, no more lip waxing or bikini line (I don’t know why I still do that…I guess a hold over from my young and frisky bikini wearing days)!  I am planning on getting that long auburn wig A.S.A.P.  Apparently, the hair comes out rather quickly…so I’ve decided to buzz it off next week.  It’s about control I guess…I don’t have the heart to watch it come out in clumps day by day (to say nothing about the mess), so it’s going on my terms.

This chemo process will be seemingly endless, unfortunately.  It’s 6 treatments every 3 weeks.  That takes us to May 30th.  I won’t be able to have the total reconstruction until June.  So I’ll be hairless and lopsided for a good long while.

Thanks again for all the love, flowers, gifts, food and good thoughts and prayers.  I just need you all to know that I am fine emotionally…there seems to be some doubt out there among my peeps.  But I’ve been through this before.  The therapists at Stony Brook thought I was going to jump out the nearest window when Francesca was sick, because I wasn’t screaming and crying all the time but instead laughing, singing and having positive vibes – they thought I was nuttier than a fruitcake.  Well, I probably am nuts, but who cares…I’ve never been a martyr, a drama queen or do I have a center of the universe complex (those things are reserved for other members of my family, who shall remain nameless).  I was given this trial and I’ll handle it the only way I know how, with good cheer, faith in God and a positive attitude.  Believe me, I have my “Why me” moments but they go as quickly as they come.  I feel terrible for any woman who has to go through this or all the stuff we women have to go through.  It’s all Eve’s fault for eating that damn apple anyway…stupid bitch.

Well, that’s all for now!

Love ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2/18/2008

Hey Gang,

Well, I had my first of six chemo treatments on Friday.  It was a 5 hour experience, but all in all, not too bad.  I feel pretty well, except for a killer headache and a little fatigued.  I was queasy Friday and Saturday, but OK so far today (still early)!  Chem is cumulative, so I’ll probably not fee so hot the next time around, but we’ll keep our fingers crossed!

I did order my wigs on Thursday.  I went with my Mom first just to check it out (and I also DID NOT want too much commentary from the Peanut Gallery).  So the woman says, “Let’s try some that look like your hair now.”  I say, “OK”.  She puts a curly wig on my head and my Mother and I got hysterical laughing.  I looked like Pedro from “Napoleon Dynamite” or a country western singer from the ’70’s.  Quite atrocious.  So I went with 2 straight ones.  One medium length and one short.  The longer one is a gorgeous burgundy color (now I’ll match my house!) and the short one is a bit funky with lots of hi-lights.  So, I bring the girls and Doug back to the wig store to show them.  So they put the longer one on me and the “Charm school dropout” a/k/a Doug, says, “Oh my God, you look so much better like that!”  Hey, nice to know that you have disliked the way I’ve looked for 22 years!  At any rate, they are coming in on Thursday and I’ll go back and have them trimmed and get a lesson and all the accessories that go with them, including some turbans and scarves.  The head will be buzzed on Friday after dinner and quite a few drinks!!  Some fun, huh.  I just hope I don’t freak out the kids in school too much with my new look (for those of you who don’t know, I am a teacher’s aide for full-day Pre-K).  After seeing me with 3 different head of hair this year, some will quite possibly need therapy by June!

Once again, thanks for all your love and offers to cook, clean and do laundry.  I pretty much do everything myself again.  But if I do need anything, I’ll let you know.  The play dates with Francesca are VERY helpful, however and thanks to all who have offered and come through with those.

My next treatment is March 7th and I need to have weekly blood tests to make sure my counts are OK.  So, that’s it for the moment.  Stay well and I’ll talk to you all soon!

Love Ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2/21/2008

Hey Troops,

Just wanted to let you know that I decided NOT to buzz my hair off.  Couldn’t do it.  Had a meltdown BEFORE it happened, so I can only imagine how I would have felt afterward.  Going from long to nothing freaked me out!  And Francesca was having a really hard time with it.  Did not want me to do it.  Losing a major body part didn’t upset me half as much.  I guess I’m not quite as tough as I thought or more vain than I thought.  Probably a combo of the two!  So I went to my salon and got a REALLY short haircut.  It may all fall out by next week but at least I will still have it for a while.  Maybe I’ll be in that 10% that doesn’t lose it!  Yeah, right.  From my mouth to God’s ears.  But then again, God’s ears don’t work so well.  Five years ago when Francesca was in the hospital after just being diagnosed with Leukemia, I prayed to God that He would give this to me and spare her.  Well, I guess God heard, “give me cancer also 5 years from now!”  Typical man with selective hearing.  Proof that He made man in His own image!!!

I am still going for my wig fitting today and getting a few scarves and turbans.  I already have 2 adorable baseball caps in my favorite colors thanks to Jen Tags!

Well, that’s it for the time being!

Stay well and Love Ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3/8/2008

Hey Guys,

How are my peeps doin’?  Great I hope.  Just wanted to update you on my second chemo treatment.  It wasn’t quite as long as the first one.  It only lasted around four hours (the first on was six).  I feel OK today, just that killer headache, a little queasiness, and quite fatigued, bit all in all not bad.  I saw the plastic surgeon on Tuesday and he began the saline injections.  He put two tubes of saline into the tissue expander and I actually have a little boob!  So he looks at the other one and says to his assistant, “Wow, we not only need to do an implant on this side, but it MUST also be lifted QUITE A BIT!”  Quite a bit, huh.  He acts as if it’s down to my kneecaps, Jeez!  Charming he is NOT!

Speaking of charming…Doug took me to the barber after chemo yesterday to get my head buzzed.  My hair was coming out so bad that I was down to a few curls on the top of my head.  I was beginning to look like a deranged Kewpie doll on steroids…lovely imagery, no!  Anyway, so the barber takes me into the back room and starts buzzing my head.  Doug looks at me and says, “Wow, you look just like MY FATHER!”  Great, I ALWAYS aspired to look like a 73-year-old man!  (No offense, Cossy!) Then after he’s done buzzing it (I’m not totally bald, I have a little hair on top of my head), Doug says, “Oh my God, you look so great like THAT!”  OK, so far I look “so much better in my wig”, “like my Father”, and “great bald”.  Hmm, so I’m thinking he REALLY never liked the way I’ve looked ALL these years!  Something to ponder I guess…okay, I’m done pondering, tough crap I say!

So that’s about it for now.  I’ll talk to you all soon!

Love Ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3/29/2008

Hey Gang,

I went for my third chemo treatment yesterday.  Half way done!!  If all goes well (i.e., the little brats in my class stop sneezing, coughing, and puking on or around me and I stay relatively healthy, aside from the cancer, of course), I will have my last treatment on May 30th.  Yay!!

The infusion took about 4 1/2 hours.  I was so happy to get a room that was empty, being the antisocial hermit that I am.  Unfortunately, that was short-lived.  A man comes in, sits down and smiles at me.  I smile back or should I say snarl back.  He looks me up and down, then says, “Breast cancer, right?”  Now how would he know that.  I assure you, I was fully clothed with a blanket up to my neck.  So I reply, “That’s right” and tried to close my eyes again, hoping no further conversation.  Not to be.  “I have testicular cancer…” he says.  I reply, “So sorry to hear that” and again TRY to close my eyes.  Forget it.  He proceeds, in vivid, gory detail, to tell me how he FOUND it (I don’t think you’d want to know), the ENTIRE operation, chemo protocol and every other minute detail in between.  Then he informs me why he is there.  He needs to give a pint of blood a week due to the fact he has extremely high levels of testosterone.  GREAT!  A skinny bald woman alone in a room with a big fat guy with too much testosterone.  WHERE’S MY MACE!

Anyway, aside from the usual side effects and chemo mood swings, I feel OK.  As long as I can keep the wig off my head my mood swings are better.  I can’t tell you how itchy and uncomfortable that thing is.  And I know you all mean well then you tell me how much better and younger I look when I’m wearing it, but that only leads me to believe I looked like an old piece of crap before.  I did wear it to Easter Sunday Mass and, of course, I saw many people who came up to me after Mass was over.  Hugging and kissing me…shifting my wig.  By the time I got to the car I looked like Cousin It.  So I will only wear it on very rare occasions.  Scarves and baseball caps for the most part.  Doug likes the bald look, which makes me think he has a baby ostrich fetish or possibly a lesbian biker fetish.  Probably the latter.

Well, that’s it for now.

Stay well and God Bless you all!

Love Ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

4/5/2008

Hey Peeps,

I know I don’t generally update you on my blood work because basically, who cares.  I go once a week to get blood work so they can check my counts.  Usually, the week after chemo my white count is very low so I have to get a shot to stimulate my marrow.  I do this for three days in a row.  So this morning I went to get my second of the trio.  They call me in and I wait for the nurse.  In bounces this perky little nurse, all smiles with the typical “Hi, how are you feeling?” routine.  I tell her I’m good thanks.  While she is taking my blood pressure she asks, “Have you bonded with any other breast cancer patients here?”  I look at her.  (First of all I hate the expression, especially when the word “MALE” precedes it.  We all know men will bond with just about anything that doesn’t ask them to take out the garbage or throw their underwear in the hamper.)  Pretending to be a tad hard of hearing I say, “Excuse me?”  “You know, become close with any other patients?”  Now she is peering at me, no longer smiling.  “Well…,” I say, my mind whirring.  She states, “It’s a very healthy thing to do, you know.”  Now she is GLARING at me…I’m thinking this woman thinks I’m some sort of outcast A LA The Hunchback of Notre Dame.  Now my mind is racing…who can I say I’ve bonded with?  There’s an old woman who is on the same schedule as me, who 2 nano seconds after the IV drip starts she calls the nurse every 5 minutes to ask if she’s done yet.  No, I have enough loopy senior citizens in my own life, I don’t need another one.  Ooh, how about the testicular cancer guy.  We can toss back a couple of cold ones while he sweats testosterone all over the bar.  Nah, I haven’t gotten my stun gun yet.  “Don’t you think so?” she practically screams at me snapping me out of my trance-like state.  I nod weakly as she huffs at me,  “Maybe you should join a breast cancer support group.”  (An oxymoron if there ever was one!)  I left doing my best Quasi Modo impersonation…

On a different note, I am no longer passing along chain e-mails.  I feel annoyed by them as I am sure most of you do by receiving them.  I have diligently sent them to my “50 closest” friends for years now, fearing all the worst repercussions.  Suddenly, I realized, “What the hell else could possibly happen if I don’t send Mother Teresa around the world?”  I figure life is basically an endless crap fest with a few good to excellent moments thrown in to keep us on our toes.  No amount of money, angels, health angels, yadda, yadda is gonna change a damn thing.  If God wanted us to pray through the computer instead of going to church, He’d have one big ass one up in Heaven and I guarantee you some of you would have quite a bit of fire and brimstone coming out of your monitors!!!

Now send this to 4000 of your closest friends!!!

Love you all and stay well!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

4/20/2008

Hey Gang,

How are you?  Grand I hope.  Friday was my 4th of 6 chemo infusions.  We’re in the homestretch now!!  I think you guys are gonna miss me after all this , though!  Anyway, it was pretty uneventful this time (good for me, bad for the updates)!  I feel OK, but a little more fatigued than last time (which means I feel half dead)!  Oh, and a new side effect has emerged.  Muscle pain to go along with the bone pain.  It feels like I did 200 one-armed push-ups in 10 minutes.  Then there is the every lovely chemo induced menopause.  Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, the whole nine yards.  Plus, I am told by my oncologist, since the menopause is not natural, I could easily get pregnant.  Yeah right…I guess he doesn’t know the “Immaculate Conception” has already been done!

I did go to the plastic surgeon last week also.  I received 2 more saline injections into the tissue expander.  Now I am totally lopsided.  One perky lookin’ baci ball and one wilted zucchini!  Since I’m shootin’ for that big ole “C” cup (big for me, anyway), he tells me to go buy a new “C” cup bra and I’ll wear it while he puts the saline into the expander (to fill up the bra, I guess).  Then he says, “Bring a super tight tank top with you and put it on, I want to see how you look in it.”  EWW…this guy is a bit creepy!  I guess by super tight he means one of Francesca’s!  I asked him when will I be able to have the total reconstruction done.  He says, “About 4 weeks after your last chemo…just about when ALL your hair starts growing back.”  “ALL my hair?” I say.  “Yes” he says quite sinisterly, “ALL of it.”  So-o-o, in early July when you see a mustachioed woman with a crew cut, uni-brow, hairy legs, armpits and KILLER CLEAVAGE coming toward you…DO NOT RUN IN FEAR…it’s only me!

Love you all and stay well,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5/10/2008

Hey Gang,

How is everyone?  Great, I pray!  Just wanted to update you all on my busy week.  First, I went to see my oncologist and was told I had to go see a radiation oncologist.  Why? you ask.  So did I.  Actually, I started screeching at him, “YOU told me I didn’t need radiation!”  He replies, “I know I did…but we have to cover all bases.”  I retort, “More like covering your ass!”  With that I stormed out with the referral in my hand.  Tuesday I go see the radiation guy.  After waiting almost 2 hours…I ask him the same question.  He tells me I PROBABLY DON’T need it but he needs to confer with the TUMOR BOARD (yup, there is such a thing).  Since my tumor was just shy of 5cm and they DID find 3 cancer cells in one lymph node, it has to be addressed.  “Why now?” I ask, “isn’t it a little late in my treatment to start this?  I am almost done with the chemo and my plastic surgeon will have a stroke if you radiate his tissue expander!”  “If you need to have it I will speak to your plastic surgeon.”  I told him to bring a weapon to defend himself.  Well, he finally called on Friday and told me I DO NOT need it.  Thank God.  It would have been 6 weeks 5 days a week.  Like my life hasn’t been sucking enough.

Speaking of the plastic surgeon, I saw him this week also.  I brought the C-cup bra and skin-tight shirt.  So he fills the expander to the max.  Now I am so lopsided that I actually have to stuff my bra with a sock for the first time since I’m 13.  The right one is kinda floating around in this C-cup like a guppy in a shark tank!  I must have had delusions of grandeur when I thought I was a B-cup all these years.  There is NO WAY that my new one is only one cup size bigger.  Hopefully he will match them up.  We shall see. Or we shall sue!

I went to Kohl’s to buy my new bra and I’m looking around.  Out of the corner of my eye I see a woman staring at me.  I never make eye contact with strangers due to the fact that the eyes are a gateway to the soul and you never know who might be one of the Devil’s henchmen.  Anyway, I try me best to ignore her, but she keeps following me.  Finally, I swing around and ask, “Is there a reason you are up my butt?”  She kind of smirks, “I just think you have the most beautiful face!”  My antenna goes up with this statement and I now notice the crew cut, not a stitch of makeup and tattoos.  LESBO ALERT!!!  “Thanks” I mutter and try to walk away.  “Can I buy you a drink?”  she asks.  “Are you kidding me? Do you think I’m gay?”  I say, in a low threatening voice.  “Well” she says kind of embarrassed, “I just thought with the scarf and baseball cap…”  Now I shriek, “I’m a cancer patient, you dumb ass!”  With that I storm off to the register.  Now I’m thinking maybe I do look like the lesbian biker chick I mentioned in a previous update.  Oh well, if I ever decide to go that route, I know I can find a date in the lingerie department at Kohl’s!

Yesterday’s chemo was a little rough.  Knocked the crap out of me.  For the first time since this started, I actually FELT like a cancer patient.  I did get a room to myself this time with NO CHANCE of company.  There was only ONE chair.  God IS good!  So I’m just settling in with my blanket and this old guy peeks around the corner.  Again, I don’t make eye contact.  “There you are” he says in an overly cheery voice.  I look up and realize this guy is always here WHENEVER I am.  I mean EVERY time (chemo, blood work, shots).  He is always complementing me on my looks, outfits, scarves, hats, etc.  CREEPER ALERT!  “Yup, here I am” I say less than cheerily.  He says, “Last time you were here I wanted to tell you how gorgeous your nails are and how I love your French manicure!”  “Thanks” I say.  “But I also wanted to alert you to the fact that they will probably ALL FALL OFF!”  I could swear I heard him cackle as he backed out of the room.

Well, that’s it (I think I have babbled on quite enough)!

Love you all and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the Moms out there!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5/30/2008

Hey Troops,

Well, the day is finally here…Tell the truth.  You’re gonna miss me!  Anyway, the infusion took the usual 4 hours and that part was pretty uneventful.  I was not fortunate enough to get a room alone this time.  I was stuck in a room with 3 old ladies and an old man.  Only one of the ladies was sweet and very quiet.  One woman kept calling the nurse to ask how much longer it would be before she could leave and go to work.  She did this at least twenty times.  I huffed and puffed loudly to no avail.  The second woman was a real beauty.  Think Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard.  She was there with her son, a short stocky guy with an unusually square head.  She kept calling him “Timmy.”  I find this obnoxious, calling grown men by their little boy names.  She also was a little hard of hearing and everything he said to her he had to say three times because she kept saying, “what?”, “huh?”, “I can’t hear you, damn it!”  She told him she was hungry (not THAT hungry) and wanted him to get her lunch.  He takes her order (which seemed QUITE large to me) and comes back in about 5 minutes.  She asks what took him so long?  Then she proceeds to unwrap everything he brought her, crinkling every piece of paper it came in (mind you, I am TRYING to sleep at this point), now she starts eating.  But not just eating, smacking her lips and saying “umm” after every bite and slurping her coffee (complaining all the while that the coffee was too hot, the sandwich was too big, blah, blah, blah).  Anyone who knows me well, knows this is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I ABSOLUTELY HATE lip smacking and slurping!  The old man seemed sweet enough until he spoke.  He had this peculiar habit of whistling AFTER each sentence.  Not whistling while speaking, but after and it was some sort of tune.  Then after he was done speaking he would hum a nonexistent song.  He did this at least thirty times.  I swear if I had an Uzi in my purse I would have taken out those three in about 5 nano seconds.  My day got worse…remember the “perky” nurse from a previous update?  Well, she cornered me on the way to the bathroom and started grilling me about support groups and the like.  I just looked at her with my best death stare and said, “I DO NOT join groups…I am NOT a joiner and I don’t want to sit around with a bunch of whiny breast cancer patients who cry and feel sorry for themselves.”  “Well, THAT’S some attitude,” she huffs.  “Well” I say, “that’s MY attitude, if you don’t like it, tough crap!”  I then slam the door in her no longer “perky” face.  THEN I come out of the bathroom and guess who is waiting to go in…you guessed it…THE CREEPER!  He gives me this huge smile and says, “I heard this is your last treatment, I will miss you!”  YIKES.  “Thanks”, I mumble, trying to negotiate my way around him without tripping over my IV pole.  “Oh”, he says, “how are your toenails?”  (this guy IS obsessed).  “They’re fine and yours?”  That was a really BIG mistake.  He grins at me and says, “My last one fell off this morning!”  So I just looked at him and snarl, “Well, I guess open toe shoes are not an option for you this summer!”  With that I stalked off and for the first time rendered the old guy speechless!  Don’t get me wrong, chemo sucks…but it does have the advantage of psycho mood swings.  You can say and do all sorts of weird and psychotic stuff and just blame it on the chemo!  Look, if you were a skinny, bald woman with no eyebrows and a sweat sock in your bra, you’d be a tad psychotic also!  Just think of me as Norman Bates (sans Mommy’s wig, you know how I feel about them) with a soon-to-be superior rack!

Speaking of which, I also saw the plastic surgeon this week.  Think Easter Island.  Same personality.  Same face.  He walks into the exam room, asks me to disrobe and proceeds to examine me.  He is scowling and muttering to himself.  I say, “What’s up?”  He says, “I think we made the left one too big and you don’t have enough skin on the right one to match it exactly.”  “WHAT!” I screech.  I am really beginning to wonder if this guy is as good as everyone says he is or if he got his degree and license on Ebay.  “You’d better match it!”  I am really pissed now.  He notices this (astute, eye) and calls in his PA.  “Have Mrs. Mollo try some silicone prosthetics on the right side.”  He turns to me with a small smile (big for Easter Island Man), “We are going to match it so no one but you knows it’s not exact…I promise!”  He leaves and Michelle (the PA) and I proceed to put different fake boobs into the right side of my bra.  We finally settle on one that is very, very close.  He comes back and looks at me in my skin-tight tank top and says, “Wow, you look fabulous!”  A little too enthusiastic, if you ask me.  “Thanks, Doctor.”  I say, “But I think they are a little too big for my frame, I have a fairly small waist and I am very small boned.”  “Are you kidding me?”, he practically screams in my face, “people will be looking at you!”  “People?  What people will be looking at me?  How will they be looking at me?  Please, I have enough weirdos looking at me now as it is, I don’t need anyone LOOKING at me!”  He replies, “They will be looking at you because you will look gorgeous!”  EWWWW…CREEPER JUNIOR!!!  My surgery is scheduled for July 9th.  Apparently, recovery time is about 3 weeks.  I was surprised that it was that long, but there are drains and all sorts of wrappings.  So when I’m done, don’t forget to LOOK at me!  JEEZ!!!

Well, sorry I was so verbose, but it IS the last one after all!!!  I sincerely want to thank you all for giving me this outlet and accepting it so wonderfully.  It has been extremely therapeutic for me and I think I have made a good deal of you chuckle from time to time.  It actually makes us all realize that yes, having cancer DOES suck, however, if you look at things with a little humor, a lot of faith, and are optimistic, NOTHING, short of death, CANNOT be overcome.  God bless you all and keep you well and happy.  Again, thanks for all your love, support, encouragement, and prayers.  You’re the best and I love you.

As always,

Madelene

XOXOXO

P.S.  If anything good happens between now and the surgery, I will let you know.  Promise.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7/6/2008

Hey Peeps,

Are you all enjoying your summer?  I certainly hope so!  My surgery is still scheduled for this Wednesday, so wish me luck and pray they come out even…

Well, “The Curse of the Creepy Curmudgeon” has come to frightful fruition (hey, that was good)!  The Creeper, who I know you remember from most of my updates, has put mol occhia (evil eye) on my fingernails!!!  Being Sicilian, I am a big believer in the evil eye, in fact I am positive we invented it.  The thing about mol occhia is, it DOES have a boomerang effect, so the old bastard will get his comeupins…eventually.  Anyway, my nails are flicking off like some freaked out tiddly-wink game.  My pointer finger and my middle finger (apropos, no) on my right hand…GONE!  The same nails on my left hand are hanging by a thread.  I am now walking around with Band-aids on my fingers…like a really low-budget “Mummy Returns” flick.  I am really pissed about this!  I mean I had my last chemo treatment over a month ago and NOW they are falling off…what is up with that?  Well, now would probably be a bad time to be mixing chopped meat.  So-o-o-o, if I invite you over for my famous meatloaf…DON’T COME!!!

Talk to you soon!

Love you all,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

7/16/2008

Hey Troops,

I know, I know the surgery was a week ago and I am tardy with the update.  Please accept my apologies and if you don’t….tough!

Anyway, the surgery went well…but remember when I asked you guys to pray that they came out even?  I’ll find out which one of you didn’t pray you know, so you better fess up!  Yes, you read correctly, NOT EVEN!  It’s interesting how they do the implant surgery.  It’s a four-hour long procedure, so they pump you with a ton of anesthesia because during the surgery they are sitting you up and laying you down (like some sort of macabre puppet show) to make sure that they look right.  Which, of course, includes that they are even.  Well, apparently, someone either did a little too much partying the night before or someone else was hooked up to the anesthesia with me ’cause the left one is definitely higher than the right one.  Since I was bandaged, I really didn’t notice it.  But once I went into the plastic surgeon’s office this past Monday and the nurse took all the dressing off, I saw the problem immediately.  So I ask the nurse, “Is it me, or are these crooked?”  Not looking me in the eye she only says, “The doctor will be right in…” and she practically runs out of the room.  OK, now I KNOW it’s not me.  In walks Easter Island man, aka the Doctor.  “Let me take a look,” he says as he inspects his handiwork.  “Wow, I am really excited about how they came out!”  EWWW…this guy likes his job a little too much.  Our noses are practically touching as I say in a low, threatening voice, “I’m glad you are excited, but I’m not…THEY ARE NOT EVEN!!!”  He steps back from me and tries to smile…”Well, you’re going to have to massage it downward.  They’ll be even.  But remember, I DID tell you they WOULD NOT BE PERFECT!”  I say, “I am ONLY asking for EVEN…NOT PERFECT!”  “Well, then you must be diligent with the massaging!”  “What do you mean by diligent?” I ask.  “Whenever you think of it, do it.” was his answer.

So-o-o-o, if you happen to see me on the check-out line in Stop-N-Shop petting myself, you’ll know why!!!

Love ya,

Madelene

XOXOXO

P.S.  Just to let you know, I will be starting kick-boxing classes at the end of the summer, so if anyone has the nerve to TELL me they are crooked, I can kick the crap out of them!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

8/24/2008

Hey Troops,

How’s you summer been going?  Mine has been pretty good.  It has absolutely flown by.  I can’t believe next weekend is Labor Day!

Anyway, I saw my plastic surgeon last week.  He seems pretty happy with his work even though I’m not quite as thrilled as he is.  It’s hard to tell when he is thrilled since he is “EASTER ISLAND MAN”.  So I’ll have to take his word for it due to the fact he is positively expressionless.  I told him I wasn’t happy with the lack of symmetry (i.e. my boobs are crooked).  The new one is about a quarter of an inch higher than my original one and, of course, looks totally fake.  He told me to keep massaging it downward and it SHOULD look better in about 2 MONTHS!!!  When I go back to see him in 2 months we’ll discuss my nipple options…yes, there are options!

OPTION #1 – Forget about it altogether.  Not for me.  I’m going out of this world with the same amount of body parts I came in with.  Besides, if I’m wearing a T-shirt and I get a chill, it’ll look totally bizarre, if you get my drift.

OPTION #2 – Tattooing.  This is where they make a nipple from the skin of the breast and tattoo an aureola around it.  I may do this considering the next option.

OPTION #3 – Skin Grafting.  This is where they take the skin from your inner thigh (the darkest skin on your body) make a whole new nipple and attach it to your breast.  Seemed like the logical choice for me until he said there IS a drawback to this option.  What could that be, you ask.  Well, in harvesting the skin from your inner thigh, you may get some hair in the graft which could result in…you guessed it…a hairy nipple.  PRICELESS!!!

So-o-o-o, I’m thinking the tattoo option might be the way to go.  Hey, maybe I’ll get something actually tattooed on it.  Like a bullseye…whattaya think?

I’ll let you know how it all goes!

Be well and happy!

Love and Hugs,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

10/5/2008

Hey my Peeps,

How are you all?  Well I hope.

I have some advice for you all today…don’t EVER complain or whine to the BIG GUY (aka GOD) that you life sucks so bad that what more can happen?  How about your mother getting a mini stroke?  You heard me right.   God apparently doesn’t like to be challenged…so don’t!  Thankfully, she will make a complete recovery and be fine.  And even though we have had some of the worst luck a group of people can have (starting with Francesca’s Leukemia and ending who knows where) I will never, ever do THAT again!!

In other news…As most of you know, I am on this cancer drug called Tamoxifen.  It has all sorts of crappy side effects including extreme fatigue, depression, full-blown menopause, and accelerated hair growth.  So a few weeks ago I’m looking at myself in the mirror and my makeup looks kinda streaky.  So I take out the magnifying mirror and put on my reading glasses (magnifiers) to get a REALLY good look.  Yup, accelerated hair growth ALL OVER MY FACE!!!  Think Lon Chaney, Jr., “Abbott and Costello Meet the Wolfman.”  I’m not talking about a slight mustache or a couple of chin hairs…I’m talkin’ long dark hair all over my face!!!  It amazes me that no one said anything to me (probably for fear of getting the crap beat out of them).  My mother especially should have noticed, as we are both obsessed with this sort of thing.  But I’ll forgive her this time around…after all she was having a stroke.  Anyway, I now have to wax my face…so here I am with was strips on every inch of bare skin looking like a freaked out Mummy (I have an entire House of Horrors going on in my bathroom).  Needless to say, I am now hair-free…also skin free in some spots, but what price for beauty, no?  I’m sure my voice will start to get deeper soon, but if I develop an Adam’s apple, I’m off this crap.  Cure or no cure…I have my limits.

I am off to the plastic surgeon in a couple of weeks to discuss and decide on the “nipple options”.  I’ll let you know then.

Have a great October!!!

Love You All!!!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

11/26/2008

Hey Kids,

How is everyone?  Wonderful, I hope!!

Well, I have gone for yet another biopsy of yet another private part!  (I am running out of them)!  I don’t know if I told you, but last year I had a bad pap smear.  I never followed up with it because all hell broke loose with the breast cancer.  So this is POSSIBLY a result of that.  Suffice it to say I’m walking around with an ice pack in my lovely Victoria Secret panties and dropping Percodan!  I’m not too concerned about it, but I’ll let you all know what’s what.  Who knows?  It could start a whole new round of updates!  HMM…

In about a week and a half I’ll be off to my CRAZY plastic surgeon to have the final stages of my breast reconstruction done.  The ALL IMPORTANT nipple replacement (I’m sure it’s not quite as important to you as it is to me)!  Anyway, he added another option to the three I described in my last update.  He says to me, “We can do a nipple sharing procedure.”  So I stare at him for a least a full minute.  WE can do a nipple sharing?  YOU would be sharing YOUR nipple with me?  EWW, I’d rather not, but thanks anyway!”  “No” he says and actually starts laughing (his face DID NOT crack)!  “You would share your own nipple.”  Sounds painful.  “What ARE you talking about?”  “Well”, he says, “your nipple is quite large and we would cut it in half and use it for your other breast.”  First of all, my nipple IS NOT large (I’ve seen large ones…I have cable) and OWWW!  I looked at him and just said, “Let’s go with the making one out of the skin that I already have and then tattooing Bugs Bunny on it!”  He says, “OK, but no Bugs Bunny.”  DAMN, this guy is boring!  So I’m having it done on December 8th, which also happens to be the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (any correlation?) and my Godson’s birthday!

I don’t know what it is, but men love this really short hair.  It could be the whole Lesbian biker thing or they are getting in touch with their inner homosexuality.  So I’m in 7-11 getting coffee a while ago.  This very handsome and distinguished-looking man keeps following me around the coffee station making small talk.  I let this go on for a few minutes, but then I started getting annoyed.  (It NEVER takes very long for THAT to happen…I hae a low annoyance quotient!)  I turn to him look him straight in the eye and say, “Are you trying to pick me up?”  He was a little embarrassed but said, “Well, I noticed you weren’t wearing a wedding band..”, so I say, “Yeah, and neither does my WIFE!”  He ran out so fast, he left his coffee there!  I could swear I’ve seen him after that, wearing a fake nose and mustache!

Well, that’s if for the moment!

Hope you all have a Blessed Thanksgiving!

Love and Hugs,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

12/9/2008

Hey Gang,

Well, today was the day!  Yes.  I have a nipple…sort of.  Let me tell you how the visit went…I am waiting in this small operating room when Dr. Thrills comes in.  He says, “How are you today?”  I reply that I am well, thanks.  Then he looks at me and says, “Are you in a support group?”  OH NO, NOT AGAIN!!!  I say no I am not and why do you ask.  “Because”, he says, “I think you’d make a great counselor with your great attitude and sense of humor.”  “You noticed my sense of humor…you NEVER laugh at anything I say.”  “Well”, he says, “My STAFF loves your humor.”  “But you don’t?” I query.  “Your humor is very snide in a way…I guess I don’t really get when you’re not being serious.”  AHHA he doesn’t crack a smile because he doesn’t get me…what a knucklehead!

Anyway, he asks me to disrobe (this, of course, is becoming a habit).  Then he proceeds to put fake nipples on my left breast.  These things look like those suction cups you use for sun catchers (interesting idea).  He takes these things on and off me for about 20 minutes.  Too high, too low, too left, too right.  So, of course, I am now completely irritated by these antics and grab it away from him and put it int he exact right spot.  “That’s perfect” he says with a this self-satisfied look on his face.  “If I didn’t do it myself, we’d be here till Friday.” I huff.  So he looks at me and asks, “Are you being snide or funny?”  YIKES!!!

We proceed to the operating table and he starts drawing all over my boob with a sharpie…great…this will NEVER come off.  His nurses come in and he begins cutting me.  But before this he says, “If you feel pain at any time, let me know.”  Since my mastectomy I’ve had no feeling in that breast so I thought there would be no problem.  WRONG!!!  I guess the nerve endings are beginning to regenerate themselves because as soon as he started cutting me I felt it.  So I say, “PAIN!”  He totally ignores me…for the entire operation!  Sadistic son of a bitch!

Anyway, it’s now done…with about 30 stitches.  Between that and my other private part, I look like some kind of erotic Frankenstein’s Mother…maybe I can sell the idea to the Playboy channel…NAH.  So he tells me to come back next week to remove the stitches and don’t wear a bra FOR 2 WEEKS!  I look at him and say, “ARE YOU NUTS?!  I work in a school, I am in a class with 4-year olds…I can’t walk around without a bra for 2 weeks.”  (I have enough guilt with the trauma I put last year’s class through, hair, short hair, long hair, no hair.  I don’t need to be the source of any more childhood psychosis’.  Besides, they’re half nuts to begin with…this would just push them over the edge!)  “Also,” he adds, “no skin-tight clothes either!”  Too bad.  I guess that means the black leather dominatrix outfit is out for a while.  Well, maybe I’ll get some use out of the dog collar and whip!  The reason behind all these seemingly odd instructions is he doesn’t want the new edition to deflate…NICE!  Also, no Bugs tattoo for at least 3 months.  DAGNABIT!!!

This is probably the last update for this year, unless something eventful happens next week when he takes all the stitches out, like it falls off or something equally hysterical and update worthy.  So I pray all your Christmas wishes come true and don’t make any New Year’s resolutions you can’t keep (that’s why I don’t make any)!

I love you all and thank you for being there for my updates.  I hope you enjoyed reading them half as much as I enjoyed writing them!  Ya see, cancer can be funny…as long as you don’t take yourself too seriously!

May God Bless You and Keep You Well and Happy!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1/3/2009

Hey Gang,

I hope everyone had a joyous Christmas and safe and happy New Year!  We did, thanks for asking!

Yesterday was the day I needed to go for the dreaded biopsy.  The procedure took about an hour from start to finish.  So the first thing she does is smear this iodine/vinegar solution all over my nether regions.  So right off the bat I’m thinking, ‘Great, now my Victoria’s Secret boy shorts are gonna smell like the salad bar at Denny’s”.  The reason for this is the solution turns a different color when there is suspicious tissue present.  Unfortunately, it turned color in two different spots.

Now she pulls out these two huge needles filled with Lidocaine and proceeds to tell me to cough…what that does is a mystery to me because it STILL HURT LIKE A BASTARD!!!  (I can just picture you ladies out there crossing your legs, contracting your sphincter muscle and grimacing!)

She took two lima bean size (her description) tissue samples and they are now off to the lab to be thoroughly scrutinized.  We should know SOMETHING in about two weeks…when I know, I’ll let you know.

Besides feeling like a total lab rat, I feel OK, albeit quite sore.  I guess I should just be grateful I don’t LOOK like a lab rat (or do I?  I’m beginning to wonder)!

Well, that’s it for now and I’ll write soon!

Love you all!!!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

2/16/2009

Hey Troops,

Hope you all had a very Happy Valentine’s Day!  If you didn’t, remember, it’s just a made-up holiday anyway!

Well, today I THOUGHT I was having my nipple tattooed.  WRONG!  I get there, wait 45 minutes only to be told that “Oh no, today is just a follow-up to make sure you’re healing properly.”  Great.  I was really psyched to get the final stage of the reconstruction over with.  So Dr. “I Need an Enema” comes in.  Asks me to disrobe (no hug first?), and looks at me and practically screeches, “Look at those things…they look absolutely fabulous!!!”  Holy crap!  I felt like a Hooters girl without her owl!  What is UP with this guy?  He thinks a little too highly of himself, don’tcha think?  See, this is why I want a Bugs Bunny tattoo instead of your run-of-the-mill areola.  It would be a sort of tribute to my “wascalwy” plastic surgeon!

The new date for the tattoo is now March 9th.  I’ll let you all know how it goes.

In the meantime, be well and happy!

Love You All!!!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

3/17/2009

Hey Gang,

I was kinda hoping for all of your sakes that this would be the final update.  But, alas and alack this is not to be.  I’ll explain…

Before we get into the tattoo thing, I want to tell you about my MRI experience.  A few weeks ago I needed to get a breast MRI, which unfortunately will be normal protocol from now on, along with mammograms and sonograms.  Anyway, I get there and the nurse tells me that I need to have an IV inserted before the test.  Fine.  She proceeds to collapse 3 veins before she gets it.  I’m thinkin’ this is gonna be way more annoying than I could have imagined.  Then she brings me into the MRI chamber (her words…could be perceived as a chamber of horrors, but I digress).  Tells me to disrobe (there’s been a lot of this going on lately have you noticed?), asks me to lie face down on this cold, hard table with my boobs hanging down between 2 holes in the table, put my left arm over my head and lay perfectly still for THIRTY MINUTES!!!  Considering that I have claustrophobia, I wanted to bite my own head off!!!  I haven’t gotten any results yet, so I’m thinking, no news is good news, right?!!!

So now, last Monday, I went, for what I thought was the final phase of the breast reconstruction.  The all important tattooing of the nipple.  Well, it takes over an hour to match the color of my “real” nipple.  If I had to hear how dark my real one is just one more time I was gonna slap someone silly!  So I lay on the table and she gets the tattoo needle ready…”You have no feeling in your breast, right?”  Before I can answer she starts the process…Well, for someone who’s not supposed to have feeling in my boob I almost hit the ceiling.  OUCH is an understatement!  It felt like a jelly fish latched onto me and proceeded to sting me for forty-five minutes!!!  After this torture has ended, she sticks a mirror in my hand and asks me how it looks.  I look at it and it’s all bloody and raw…so I say, “It looks like crap…but I guess you knew that!”  She laughs, bandages me up and tells me it’ll look much better next week.  At this point I’m thinkin’ maybe I should have gone for the skin graft from my inner thigh.  So what if there was a good chance I’d have a hairy nipple.  I already have hair all over my face, what’s a little extra wax between friends?!

So I go back yesterday for the unveiling.  The nurse takes off the bandage, her eyes but out and she runs out of the room shouting, “I’ll get the Doctor!”  So now, of course, I’m flipping out…I jump off the table and run over to the mirror…OH MY GOD!!!  I was hideous…half of it didn’t take, the rest looked like someone tried to color it in with a magic marker that was running out of ink, and the nipple he made had seemingly disappeared!  He strolls into the room and looks at me and says, “Looks pretty good.”  “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”  I shriek.  “It looks like shit!”  So he tells me to come back in a month and we’ll fix it.  So I say, “How about a road trip to TATTOO LOU’S.  I KNOW he’d do a better job!”  Surprisingly, he actually laughed.

So next month I will be going back to be fixed, which, of course, means you have to suffer through yet another update.  Tough crap, I say.  If I have to suffer, I want you all with me!

Have a Happy St. Patty’s Day!

Love You All!!!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5/4/2009

Hey Gang,

How’s by you?  Fabulous, I hope.  Well, I was supposed to be re-tattooed last Monday.  Didn’t happen.  Why, you ask.  Because the nimrods in the plastic surgeon’s office FORGOT!!!  They put me in for a follow-up instead of a procedure.  So I asked since I’m already here let’s just do it…NO-O-O!  The tattoo machine is out for a sterilization and tune-up.  GREAT!!!  Does this mean it WASN’T sterile before?  After ten minutes of my ranting and raving and them apologizing all over the place, they scheduled me for the 18th.  Yay, for you!  Another update!

In other news…

As some of you know, I turned fifty in March.  Like with most so-called “Milestone” birthdays, it kind of makes you reflective…but mostly it FREAKS you out!  So with THIS freak out, I decided to join a gym.  I have always been in fairly good shape without the added benefit of working out.  But I noticed the dreaded “Old Lady” legs starting to creep up on me…so being the vain witch that I am, I decided it was once again time to join one.  My last foray into the world of exercise happened when I was in my early twenties.  Mom and I joined Lucille Roberts when it first opened.  I think we did it more for the hip work-out stuff…you know, the body suits, tights and leg warmers, oh and don’t forget the cool headband and wristbands!!!  Olivia Newton-John had just come out with “Let’s get Physical” and she looked so cute in all that stuff (although now she looks like “The Invasion of the Mummy People” with all the face lifts she’s had.  But I won’t pick on her too much…she’s a breast cancer survivor also and does so much for that cause that she gets a pass!)  Technology was in its infancy and they had a “state-of-the-art” computerized body analyzer.  They would put your measurements into the computer and out would pop exercises to target any problem areas.  So I measured 34-22-24.  No, it’s not a typo…they put in my hip measurement at twenty-four!  So, of course, the computer spits out all these exercises to build up my hips and butt (which are the areas I had wanted to tone!)  Mom and I get hysterical and tell the “trainer” that I haven’t had 24-inch hips since I was four!  She adjusts the measurement, hands us our sheets and we go off to do our respective workouts.  I’m busy trying to figure out one of the machines, when I hear this small voice calling me and saying, “HELP.”  So I run around the gym looking for my Mother.  I find her…with her leg in a leg-lift machine and her hanging upside down like a pinata.  She put too much weight on it and being so light, she flew up in the air!  It took three of us to get her down, we were laughing so hard, we were crying.  Needless to say, we DID NOT go back!!!

So now I joined Planet Fitness and my first time there was a little better…but not by much!  I get to the locker room and change into my sports bra and workout stuff.  Stick my iPod in my ears and go to the 30 minute express workout.  I am now noticing people looking at me…again, vanity kicks in and I say to myself, “Wow, they must think I’m really cute and why is she here!”  This is why vanity is one of the 7 Deadly Sins.  I get back to the locker room and look at myself in the mirror…now I know why they were looking at me.  A sports bra is sheer and has very little support (except that it’s tight), so here I am with my lopsided boobs and one nipple prancing around the gym for all the world to see!!!  As you may imagine, the sports bra is now in the town dump somewhere!

I also started doing “hot” yoga.  It’s doing yoga in a 105 degree room.  WHY? you ask.  Well, Doug’s running partner asked me to try it with her, so I did.  I now think it was his idea and he’s trying to kill me!  But I have to say, it is absolutely horrendous while you’re doing it, but you’re happy you did it afterward…kinda like sex!

Well, that’s it for now!!!

I wish all the Mothers a beautiful Mother’s Day and to all you muthas, well you know what I wish for you)!

Love You!!!

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

1/11/2010

Hey Peeps!

Happiest of New Years!!!  Didja miss me?  You can admit it…nobody’s listening!

So the last update, I believe, had to do with my nipple being tattooed.  Well, that was 6 months ago and I was told it would most likely fade with time and I’d have to have a touch-up.  I never in a million years thought it would have to be done NOW.  Like, immediately…it’s fading into nothingness!  Also, my nipple has flattened out, so I have to have a nipple implant…sounds painful, so it probably is!

As he is telling me all this joyous news…in his own inimitable way (in case you’ve forgotten, this is the Easter Island guy), he’s staring at my RIGHT boob.  I had the mastectomy on the LEFT one.  So, I say, “Uh, is there something wrong?”  So he says, “Um, your right one seems to be larger than the left…did you gain weight?”  “Since the surgery? Yeah, I was 112 lbs when you operated on me…being deathly ill kinda does that to ya!”  So he looks at me and says, “Well, THAT explains it then!”  At this point my brain goes into overdrive…so I say in that shrieky voice that I get when I am TOTALLY FREAKED OUT, “Does this mean if I get really fat I will have one normal boob and one GIGANTIC boob, OH MY GOD…how hideous is THAT!!!”  So he just looks at me and says, “Just don’t get fat!”  Reassuring, no?  Well, if I do get really fat, I can be my own reality show…”The Boob that ate Boston!”

In other news…I am starting college next month!  Yup, I finally realized I wanted to be a nurse when I grow up!  I took my placement test last week and I did really well despite the dimwit sitting next to me sniffling and smacking his lips for 2 straight hours!  The last hour I had my fingers in my ears and was humming just so I could concentrate on the questions…if he can go to college…Well, like I said to a good friend…a chimpanzee in a dress can get into Suffolk, so I’m not overly impressed with myself.

Well, that’s all for now!  I will update you on the tattoo and implant and school when I get a minute!  That would be after work, cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, taking the girls here and there, homework, and studying.  Good grief!  Guess you’ll hear from me in a few years!

Love you all!!!

As always,

Madelene

XOXOXO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments